The Value of Self Decipline

When one thinks about success and what it takes to be successful, self-discipline is certainly not the first thing that occurs to our mind. We attribute success to hard work or the never say die attitude. Hard work is certainly the key ingredient to success. When the burning desire to succeed takes physical form, it’s called hard work. But blindly working hard is not sufficient.

A large group of people believe that belief in ideas and in ourselves can play a pivotal role on your road to success. But we also bear the risk of blind belief and faith with no sense of logic or motivation that could lead to a disaster in the personality.

Clearly success can be attributed to several other factors but all of them remain incomplete without one important aspect. Your planning can be perfect but it’s equally pointless when you cannot execute your plan, and execution requires something more. It’s what completes all the above attributes. Yes, self-discipline. Hard work could work for a day, but it takes perseverance in your work to be successful and perseverance takes self-discipline. A committed effort cannot be put in a work without self-discipline.

Steve Jobs, in an interview, told that the most important thing required for success is doing what you love, because to be successful at something requires immense perseverance and any sane person would eventually give up if it’s not something he loves to do.

Once again perusing what we love is important but it takes self-discipline in us to keep going and not quit half the way. One does encounter triumph and disaster in life, we often get carried away by either of them, we either become over confident when we are doing well which will eventually lead to failure or we become depressed over our losses. To see success at the end of the tunnel, in the words of Rudyard Kipling, one must learn to treat both these imposters, just the same.

Again it takes self-discipline to keep ourselves grounded to our aims, to not deviate or give up.   

Belief in one’s ideas is necessary, but blind belief is sure to end in a disaster, one must admit when one is wrong and be disciplined enough to correct himself and progress towards success

When we extrapolate our reasoning we realize that self-discipline is probably the most important component for success, it’s what drives us to think different and peruse success beyond realms of competition, it’s what drives us to never give up on dreams and peruse them irrespective of our past. It’s what drives a mother to not give up on her child when he makes a mistake and what makes a leader stand tall and cheer his team to not give up even on the face of defeat, it’s what unites us with our dreams and ambitions and gives us the strength to push ourselves beyond our limits. It’s the voice inside the child that tells him that the world is his playground and that the sky is the limit to achievement; it’s what makes winners become champions and champions break their own records, thereby setting a new record.

Lastly I would like to leave you pondering on a quote by Albert Einstein

"If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut.” and that too requires self-discipline!

The Refusal.

What are we afraid of?

What is it that stops us from asking another anything,.

It’s quiet simple actually, refusal , the fear of refusal to be more precise

I remember my lesson on refusal clearly. Back when I was a child, I had an extreme craze for toys. The brand of hot wheels was new in the country. It was what every 10 year old yearned for. Very few kids in class actually had the entire set. Most kids had to be content with just the car.

My dad had been generous with regard to almost anything that I had ever asked. For most of the time I didn’t even have to ask, he would buy it for me. Sometimes even before I got the feeling that I wanted something, I had it. Yeah you could say that I was one of those happy kids with great dads who would spoil them with everything they could ever want.

So one fine day I decided to ask him for the new hot wheels set(which basically included a car, and a racing track to run the car). My father , like most fathers had this immense interest in the newspaper every morning, which a ten year old me could not understand, the truth is even the 20 year old me can’t understand that keen an interest in reading the newspaper. Most fathers are so engrossed in reading the newspaper that they are hardly listening to what you are saying during that time and nod their heads almost automatically, to almost anything you say. I used to use this small time period for breaking all the bad news from school and asking whatever I wanted which included signatures in my report cards , toys, eat out’s, and at a later time in my life, money.

Anyway the ten year old me , like me, was a smart kid. Very observant. I used this gap and asked him for the hot wheels toy and he gave his usual reply “hmmm..” which I could interpret as a yes and a promise that can be redeemed at any later time.

Two months passed, my toy was still not with me, I was growing impatient.  During the holidays, we were planning to visit some relatives and my dad took me along for buying some toys for the kids. I asked him if I could finally get what I wanted so badly.  “Not today Saketh, maybe next time” he said. I was growing impatient, I was losing my cool. To a child, the world is small and there are few things that could possibly attract. When children don’t get what they want, they throw a tantrum. I was no different, I made a fuss that I badly wanted the toy. But like all parents my dad was firm on what he said.

That one incident that happened almost ten years back, taught me a lesson, something small yet significant, it was something that I would remember for years later.

What was it that I learnt? To understand that , we need to understand what really hurt me that day.

Most people would tell me what appears rather obvious and deceivingly true. Most people would say that it was the fact that I did not get the toy that hit me hard. For many years of my life, I thought so too. But if we carefully observe, its not the fact that I didn’t get what I wanted that let me down. It was my dad refusing to buy me.

Let me explain

I expected my dad to buy me the toy, and more often than not, I used to get whatever I asked for. But that day when I was refused the toy, it hurt badly. I understood that being refused something from people we rely upon to deliver could hurt us very badly

Years later when my friend and I were planning on a road trip, we needed our parents’ consent for adventuring out. My friend had been postponing the task of talking to his parents, for that matter so was I. When I asked him, what it was that stopped him from talking it out with his dad, he replied “It’s not that he wouldn’t’ allow, it’s just that I am afraid that he might say no. and if does say no, it would hurt me”

Parents often give children whatever they want, sometimes even without asking. But as children grow up, and mature they stop asking their parents for everything they desire. They hide what they like and grow afraid to open up to the people who love them the most in this world, and the reason they hide themselves, their likes and dislikes, is the fact that they are afraid, afraid that their parents won’t approve of it, afraid that their parents would refuse them what they desire in their hearts.

Disapproval or refusal amounts to just one thing in the eyes of the person expecting, it makes them feel really bad, even make them regret that they even asked or sought after.

Unlike my subjects, people’s minds do not follow a pattern, they cannot be learnt, and they cannot be predicted.

But just because we are afraid of being refused, does it mean that we do not even ask? A wise man once said “if you never try, then you will never know”

Yet it’s the trying that most of us fear

Two of my close friends, both of them happened to be a few years elder to me, happened to be in a relationship. I had known these people for years now. They were always the best of friends since high school and they had been going out since college. They understood each other‘s goals, aspirations and what they desired out of life. They loved each other and were practically inseparable. Obviously like all love stories, the climax is most cases and the beginning in some, happens to be the part where they tell their parents and decide to get married.

 Unlike what they show in movies, reality too disappoints. Most of the couples live the rest of their lives trying to convince their parents, some give up and some even die trying.

Well unfortunately, I am single so I really don’t get what the hype and drama is really all about, nor am I interested in finding out. All I did know was that these two seemed happy together and they both were really good friends of mine.

One evening, my friend turns up and tells me that he is thinking of telling his parents and asked me for ideas. I told him that I neither had the knowledge on relationships nor experience to advise him and told him that I was the least qualified person on earth to help him.

He told me his fears, the fear of his parents disapproving, the fear of refusal.

I smiled. Our parents love us more than anyone in this world. They nurtured us taught us and still continue teaching us. Compared to what they know, what we know and understand is negligible. True, but there is something they taught us. They taught us to learn, learn from what you really believe in your heart, and follow that dream no matter what. And no matter how hard it may be to believe sometimes, they do desire our happiness.

That evening, I told him what I knew, “if you never try, you will never know”

Sure the fear of refusal often gets in our way. Some famous person once said “We create our own demons”. To fear something and not even try , to give up in what you really believe, to fear that you would fail or that you would be denied what you really like all amounts to one strong characteristic trait – A coward.

I say that it’s much better to fail, much better to lose, and rather to be disappointed, hurt and denied.

My friend listened quietly as I inspired him. In the end he asked me a question that I did not know the answer for. “What if they say no?” I instantaneously replied “Then god help you!”

People often need to learn to speak up, ask for what you desire and maybe even fight for it. Even a mother does not know that a child is hungry unless the child cries. If a mother cannot figure out what exactly you want, how can we expect the world to do so. It is ridiculous to think that people would pay attention and somehow figure what you have to say and spare you the effort of saying it, and would instantaneously help you get what you want

The world is made up with different people, some aggressive, some passive, some so quiet that you don’t even notice their existence. To get what we want, we need to speak up, to raise our voice, to get used to being refused and yet not give up.

Emotion

It’s a regular phenomenon in each of our heads. Once in a while we are reminded of what we want to achieve in life, ponder on how close we are to it, which in most cases is nowhere close (yet). A few weeks ago I completed my fourth semester in engineering, which felt strange, and not because I had got more marks than I had expected (which happens like once in a millennium, usually its lesser than what I expect it to be), but because I was under the impression that I had joined this course recently , or at least that was the feeling that I had in my head. I had convinced myself that I had time before I faced the larger question in life, “What’s next?” It occurred to me that I had no clue on what I wanted to do next, suddenly everyone around me seemed to know and I was a lone nomad in a desert of uncertainty.

Family get-togethers often subject the younger generation to a lot of questioning, and some even throw in opinions and judgments on you. Most of the time, the questioning is on their favourite topic ‘what are you planning to do with your life?’

In general I hate being questioned, even over casual conversation. The reason is pretty simple actually, I simply do not have the answers to those questions. Sometimes I even want to tell them the truth, “I like eating, sleeping and spending time with my friends lazing around ,pointlessly roaming and pretty much end up doing nothing useful throughout the day. Since they don’t pay people to be on a vacation I decided to do engineering and the frank truth is, although most people think it’s easy, because half the country ends up doing it, this course is very hard and most of the time bores me to death. I can’t wait to get back from class because half the time I don’t even get what the teacher is saying and therefore find these classes totally useless. When the exams come, I read on my own, ensure my scores are good, just so that I don’t have to face a round of questioning from miserable people like you “

As tempting as it may be, I simply reply ”I think I will take up a job or continue on to pursue my post-graduation”

Post-graduation is the better choice they would all say

Post-graduation? Why in the world would I want to jump into a well that took me four years to get out of? Just so that I can do it in two this time?

Most people struggle to find out what exactly they want to do in life. They are confused. Society often remarks that my generation gets a lot more opportunities and options. They call it a boon. In reality it’s more of a curse, most people love doing more than just one thing and more often than not they never like anything completely. The era of questioning whether one is capable is long gone, there are more than a million universities waiting to boost your ego and let you pursue whatever you want.

The main problem is, you don’t know what you want. We hear of people who pursue a Masters degree in engineering and end up pursuing music as a profession, because they found a passion. The truth is, we like more than just one thing. Half the engineering lot ends up doing an MBA, not because they hated engineering. It’s because they are passionate about more than just a single subject.

Most people don’t know what they want, even at the age of forty we hear of people changing careers. If someone that old had not figured it out, isn’t it cruel to question young minds, uncorrupted my society “what they really wanted to do”. Most students in India who choose science group after 10^th , had not the slightest clue on what commerce had to offer. The ones who chose engineering after their 12^th did not know what a pure science subject had to offer.

What is the goal of an education system?

It should not be to generate individuals the society needs, it’s to generate individuals who shape society to a better tomorrow, not the other way round.

The reason all the ambiguity on what one really wants to peruse arises because higher secondary education fails to deliver its purpose. The system is flawed in its root level.

They tell the young and brilliant that exam results play the biggest role in shaping one’s career. How can the results of a mere test decide on whether a person is brilliant or not at a subject? Isn’t it wrong to define a student based on his academic record alone and force him/her to choose the course he gets in the university he gets. Added to this we have several parents who spoil young minds by telling them which subject they think is good to make a career out of?  Fast-forward five years, society questions them on what they want to do next? Naturally most of them do not have the answer. Fast-forward 20 years, naturally you will have people changing fields overnight.

Society often remarks that brilliant people like Einstein, Hawking or Steve jobs are born in every 150 -200 years. 

Here is the fact- they are born every day, it’s just that we kill their creativity, their instincts and their enthusiasm with what we think is better for them.

Every year we hear leaders say that education is the key to making the world better better. Society, it’s the same society that increases the tuition fee for higher education. it is the same society that will praise an individual on his success and condemn another for thinking differently.

To those losers, backbenchers, eccentric  dreamers, to those dream catchers and entrepreneurs, to those who believe in what they want and in themselves, let alone society, the world is too small a place to conclude whether we are capable or not.

Let alone a grade sheet.

We will not allow anyone define who we are.

Steve jobs once said “Because the ones who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are, the ones who do”